


Fields of Gold

by crygiankie_trash



Series: Fields of Gold [1]
Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: F/F, background crygi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:13:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26441752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crygiankie_trash/pseuds/crygiankie_trash
Summary: "Will you stay with me? Will you be my love?" // Jackie's POV // A sad ass Jankie songfic // The First Installment of Fields of Gold
Relationships: Jackie Cox/Jan Sport
Series: Fields of Gold [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2133720
Comments: 8
Kudos: 32





	Fields of Gold

**Author's Note:**

> Y'all know how it is. I'm a messy bitch who got into her feels late at night when I put my music on shuffle thinking I'd get some nice chill vibe music and got a song that just destroyed me. Literally tapped out in 45 minutes and unbeta'd. The song is 'Fields of Gold' by Celtic Woman, if you've got a your headphones or laptop handy would definitely recommend listening to it while you read. Also feel it's worth mentioning that it's set in the 50's/60's <3

_You’ll remember me when the west wind moves, upon the fields of barley. You’ll forget the sun in his jealous sky as we walk in fields of gold._

There hadn’t been a time in Jackie’s life when she hadn’t been in love with Jan, the blonde girl coming up to her in kindergarten with a purple dress and a wide smile trilling out ‘Hi! I’m Jan. You’re pretty’ and sitting next to her without second guessing her intuition. Jackie’s gaze had fixated on long flaxen hair that seemed to be something out of a fairy tale, convinced the tiny blonde next to her was a real life Disney Princess, a thought that only gained momentum during a sing-a-long when Jan’s voice carried easily above the rest of the class high and melodic flashing a big smile at Jackie and reaching for her hand encouraging the Persian to sing with her, only letting go to exchange her red apple for Jackie’s grapes at lunchtime their foreheads pressed together conspiringly; giggling at their ‘sneaky’ trading, only separating at the end of the day when their respective parents came to get them, Jackie gazing out the window of the car seeing the yellow barley fields passing by, the sun glinting off it reminding her of Jan’s hair as she chatters about her day, her new friend, the songs they sung, how she was going to learn the whole alphabet by the end of the year before being taken back to Kindergarten the next morning excited to be reunited with her new friend.

_So she took her love, fought to gaze a while upon the fields of barley, in her arms she fell as her hair came down among the fields of gold._

As the years went on? They remained best friends, though every interaction seemed to hint at something a little more. Constant touching, arms looped together wherever they went, fingers brushing at each other bordering on hand holding when they were sitting together, the occasional bold touches along the column of Jan’s spine as Jackie buttoned the dresses that Alexis insisted on dressing the blonde in, and small stolen moments where their noses pressed together, their breath mingling between them, nervous glances into each others eyes; neither daring to break the unspoken divide between them. They’d heard enough in religion classes about what it could mean to sin, though Jackie herself knew that the moment she’d falter, it would be a dam breaking, that the minute they crossed that threshold? She’d be ruined for anyone else. Though it never stopped her from imagining Jan of a nighttime when the air was crisp and silent, bold fingers snaking under her nightgown and bringing herself to the crescendo of pleasure, Jan’s name on her lips.

One advantage to them being ‘good girls’, was their parents entrusting them to walk home through the barley fields after school, after community activities or football games, or during summer to the local pool, or ice-cream parlour. Jan’s pale fingers reach out to brush at the stalks whining under the hot sun, her dress sticking to her shoulders, hair bundled above her collar that was damp with sweat huffing. “...And then he asked me to the drive-in on the weekend, and I don’t even want to go with him. Boys are so gross Jacks” before stumbling on a small hole in the ground, making a surprised noise as Jackie’s arms wrap around her tightly preventing her from hitting the ground, the pristine white bow in her hair fluttering to the ground behind them. “Though if you were a boy Jacks, I think I’d still like you just as much” 

_Will you stay with me? Will you be my love, among the fields of barley, we’ll forget the sun in her jealous sky. As we lie in fields of gold. Oh we’ll lie in fields of gold._

The dam finally broke when they were 16, the two of them walking home together before Jan speaks up. “... I saw Crystal and Gigi kissing, they’re going to run away together. They said there’s a whole district in San Francisco where it’s painted with rainbows, and you can be with whoever you want.. Gigi’s parents don’t know. But they’re gonna get out of here and be together”, Jan breaks off abruptly setting her bag down and moving off the path they usually follow through the fields before finding a perfect spot, to nestle down among the golden grain hidden from view, looking up as Jackie joins her pausing before finally speaking “... Do you think kissing a girl is different to kissing a boy? I kissed Alexander after the football game, but it wasn’t that great. He tasted like a hotdog but not a nice hotdog..” Jackie’s chest immediately tightens at the thought of someone else kissing Jan, cradling her face in their rough hands, of Jan belonging to someone else and she exhales shakily, turning her head only to find Jan gazing back at her, both sets of brown eyes gazing into each other, their lips pressing together hesitantly before relaxing into each other, as if they’d been practicing for years. It wasn’t the fireworks, earth shattering feeling that her mother’s romance novels had hyped her up for. But rather it was like coming home, a slow burn of embers warming her from the inside out, the feel of Jan’s curves under soft cotton and the small mewling noises for more that emitted from her throat, the soft sigh of ‘Jackie…’ whispered into the golden air. 

_I never make promises lightly, and there have been some that I've broken. But I swear in the days still left, we’ll walk in fields of gold._

From that one day in the field, everything seemed to move at both warp speed, and at a near glacial place. Their walks were longer, their moments together fusing into one long reel of memories, kissing in the field, sleepovers in the same bed, whispered promises. The first time they’d been intimate, with curled fingers, experimental tongues, and the clumsy eagerness that first love always brings. The two of them bringing each other to the precipice of pleasure over and over again, though Jan’s Catholic guilt always gets the better of her in the end, whispered prayers echoing around the room, the clutch of a rosary between pale fingers wiped clean of the activities of earlier, only to go on a date with Alexander the following night, playing a dutiful girlfriend to the outside world only to crawl into Jackie’s room, and her embrace once more under the cover of night, and the high reaching stalks of the barley field. 

“I love you Janetta Mantione, always will”, the words are whispered on a lazy Tuesday, as their legs are entwined as they lay in the golden nest they’ve created. "We could do it too you know.. Do what Crystal and Gigi did.. We could make it. You could be a singer, I can go to school and work in a cafe, or maybe a store? We could do it. We could", Jan’s lavender dress is hiked around her waist, simple white panties peeking out the bottom, as Jackie traces her fingers over the expanse of pale thighs, before Jan shakes her head exhaling softly, large brown eyes filling with tears “...Don’t say it Jacks. Please don’t say that” though she stays where she is, manicured fingers tracing along Jackie’s cheek and collarbones, dark eyes studious as if she’s committing her features to memory, a dusting of freckles starting their yearly bloom on rose tinted cheeks.

_Many years have passed since those summer days, among the fields of barley. See the children run as the sun goes down among the fields of gold._

Jackie had gotten out of the now stiflingly small town, followed her soul’s desire to New York, traveled the country and seen Crystal and Gigi in their small apartment with orange shag rugs, egg chairs and their rainbow flag sticking out from the door proudly. Jackie however lived in a small apartment with a cat that she didn’t remember adopting, alone in a bustling city. Though going home was always hard. The first time she’d done it. She’d gone to the store to pick up some flour and seen the familiar head of blonde hair, before seeing the protruding baby bump covered in the familiar purple paisley fabric. Jan had married Alexander, and as selfish as it was? Jackie hadn’t gone to the wedding, claimig that she had finals. That she couldn’t possibly leave New York for a day. Though in reality? She’d spent the weekend at San Francisco sobbing into a bottle of sickeningly sweetened spirit of some description in Crystal and Gigi’s house inhaling the heavy scents of weed and sandalwood, neither girl knowing how to console her and put the pieces of her heart back together. The next time she returned was at Easter three years later, Jackie cutting through the field out of habit coming home from the main street, a bag of groceries clutched in her arms having been sent out on errands; pausing at the sight of a blonde perched at the end of the path following her gaze to where two small blonde children duck in and out of sight. “Caroline, Robert.. Come back here”.

Jan’s voice still carries easily, the same sweetness in echoing through her tone, though she sounds tired, weary even to Jackie’s ears who hadn’t heard her voice in person for years. She’s more soft now, her body filled out in the way that only motherhood can provide, the lines starting to etch around her eyes, her hair cut shorter than Jackie had ever seen it, a few streaks of silver offsetting the previously fawn mane. Yet despite, or perhaps as well as all of the changes? She’s still beautiful, and takes Jackie’s breath away, though all too soon? She’s turning away, two small pairs of hands in her own, though Jackie is too far away to see if her nails are still tipped with the pearlescent varnish that she’d been wearing forever, or if she still smells of lavender and butter cookies, if her skin is still soft, if the scar behind her knee ever went down with the amount of vitamin e that Jan used to slather on it. 

She’s gone, again; walking her own path without Jackie at her side. The thick golden haze settles in the dusty grain, as the sun settles in for the night and Jackie blinks, rubbing at her eyes as her imagination takes over, seeing the shadow of two girls disappearing down the track arm in arm taking Jackie’s heart with them. A lifetime ago, but a love story that was never meant to have an ending or to be spoken of aloud. 

_When we walked in fields of gold._

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to yell at me in the comments, or leave kudos if you enjoyed. Apparently I'm about angst now. That being said. I do plan on a happier one in the works where you know. Bonapple tits. <3 
> 
> .. Also I'm pretty sure Castro Street wasn't known for being a gay mecca till like the 70's but for the sake of the story, lets just pretend it's been like that for ages. <3


End file.
